This is a funny title because in Berkeley, the winter isn't really winter. It's blue skies and sunny almost all the time. At this moment, it is raining, but that has only happened like twice this entire fall and winter. Which isn't a good thing. Berkeley and California, as a whole, needs rain. We are year three into a pretty severe drought. But there is this selfish part of me that is singing praises to the blue sky and smiling at my freckled face. Then the environmentally conscious part of me shames the selfish part of me, and I go back to praying for rain.
Family picture taken by friend, Roxanne Gray
photo courtesy of R. Gray
kids painting outside in January
At this moment, all three of my children are napping. This is a very strange thing. This whole, all three kids napping thing has only happened maybe one other time since Sage was born. There must be some cosmic planetary alignment, unbeknownst to me, in order for this to occur. It is eerily quiet and still and peaceful and wonderful all at the same time. Rob is at work, I'm having a quiet Sunday moment in my living room, all by myself. No one is asking me to pour them a glass of milk, or wipe their behind, or read to them a book. It's fantastic. That being said, I really, truly love me children and spending time with them. When they are away, I miss them terribly. I enjoy them as human beings. They are funny and witty and silly. But it sure is nice to be able to sit down and focus on something other than them for a moment in time.
Things are well at this time in life. I'm happy, the kids are happy, I believe Rob is happy too. He's working very hard and on little sleep lately, so I do worry about him. Rob has applied a bunch of positions all over the country this fall and winter. Some of the universities have multiple openings right now, so Rob applied to more than one position at the university. It's been a big endeavor for him, pushing through all those applications and weeding through the hundreds of job openings across the country to pinpoint the best fitting options. Now we wait. We haven't heard anything yet, and I believe the waiting will continue for another few weeks. I feel okay about the waiting. Maybe it's easier than a rejection from a school in a city that I'd like to live in... Maybe it's easier because it all worked out last time with post doc applications. I've been praying often that I will feel peace and security in the unknown and it seems to be working :)
In an effort to re-find myself, one of my new year's goals is to run in at least one race this year. I've been making my way to the gym pretty much every day to work out, run, lift weights, get in shape. It feels good and is a huge source of stress relief. It also helps me feel happy and not depressed. I was just facebook chatting with one of my dearest Seattle friends about having three kids. I was remembering back to when Sage was newborn and how utterly overwhelmed I felt. My life felt so chaotic and it was so hard to get a handle on the chaos. Maybe I just became accustomed to the new level of chaos or maybe it actually got less chaotic, but it doesn't feel the same now as it did then... And even though I have this huge uncertainty looming over me, I feel more at peace and less overwhelmed. We have been reading the scriptures each day as a family, which brings a beautiful love and spirit into our home.
Another thing I've been doing to re-find myself is playing the guitar every day. It feels so good. I pulled out all my sketch books from college, where I would jot down lyrics and chords to songs in my head and I've been bringing them back to life. I've even written a few new songs and birds and the sky and the green eyes of my children. It feels good to be creative :)
My kids are growing up so fast. Jasper is fast approaching the age of 8. He's so excited for his baptism, which we've decided to travel to Utah to do, so his cousins and grandparents can all be there. He's got such an inquisitive, thoughtful mind. He's a good hearted kid, too. There is this boy in his class who I get the feeling might not be the best influence on him. I asked him if he thought the boy was helping him be a good student and stay focused and be kind to others, and Jasper said, "not really, but I think I'm being a good influence on him, mom! He needs good friends!" Good grief, he's a smart and kind kid! He's been coming home with new swear words or foul language every week. Last week it was bitch. The week before it was dick. The weeks before that it was about four different ways to say the f word. It's pretty interesting to navigate the topic of language and why people express themselves with different types of words. We've been trying to teach him that we believe that language is powerful and beautiful, and we should learn how to express ourselves eloquently and intelligently.
Gideon is doing fantastically. His teacher has pulled me aside and told me on a few different occasions that she's having to come up with worksheets and activities to challenge him that she's never had to do before in her kindergarten class. He's reading early chapter books, he's doing multiplication, he's writing paragraphs about what he got out of a particular book. Rob told me once that his 1st teacher said something similar to his mom, and Rob had just skipped Kindergarten at that time. Gid must have a brain like his father :) Gideon is also known as the helper in his class, if a kid has a question or needs help, his teacher often asks Gid to help out. I've had a few different moms of girls come up to me and tell me about some instance when Gideon helped defend or take care of a bullying situation. One time, apparently, another boy in the class was trying to hit one of the girls and Gideon came running up and stood between them and told the boy to stop it. He's got a little sister, so it must come as an instinct.
Gideon and Jasper learned to play dominion recently
And Sage. Sage oh Sage. She's just growing up to fast. It makes me cry. I just want her to stay a baby a little bit longer... She's trying to potty train herself. I finally relented and bought her some underwear which she proudly wears around the house. She loves her friends. Talked about them all the way home from church today. She knows them all by name. She plays amazingly well by herself, lining up her dollies, talking to them, tucking them in, giving them drinks of water, trying to bathe them, nursing them, etc. Sage is saying hundreds of words lately, but her latest are the colors. She knows all of the basic colors- red, yellow, blue, orange, green, purple, pink. She's trying to sing the alphabet but gets kind of stuck in these cycles of 5 letters and sings them over and over and over again. She's so strong. She's in a gymnastics class right now and she's just built so tough and strong.
Well, I hear kids waking up. I need to sign off. Glad I got some of the happenings jotted down!
